The Tree of Utah finished (and
originally started... but before
the date we are about to
mention) by Karl Momen in
January of 1986. Made of
concrete (wait what? how
expensive was that?) anyway,
and standing at the impressive
height of 87 feet. Its location is
26 miles away from the glorious
town of Wendover, Utah. Yes,
there is a Wendover, Utah... as
horrible as it may be it does
indeed exist. But in the name of
the page we have ventured
many miles through the fog,
and of course the land of the
ice and snow of which Led
Zeppelin spoke, to claim this
beautiful abomination in the
name of the page... the one
you're reading. yes... that
seems about right. But don't
touch the tree. It is ours. Not
yours. no not yours. if you touch
originally started... but before
the date we are about to
mention) by Karl Momen in
January of 1986. Made of
concrete (wait what? how
expensive was that?) anyway,
and standing at the impressive
height of 87 feet. Its location is
26 miles away from the glorious
town of Wendover, Utah. Yes,
there is a Wendover, Utah... as
horrible as it may be it does
indeed exist. But in the name of
the page we have ventured
many miles through the fog,
and of course the land of the
ice and snow of which Led
Zeppelin spoke, to claim this
beautiful abomination in the
name of the page... the one
you're reading. yes... that
seems about right. But don't
touch the tree. It is ours. Not
yours. no not yours. if you touch
EMPTY
............
............
SPACE
............
............
SPACE
You will be killed by us.
This isn't a solo. Unless
of course, it happens to
be one of those
adventures where it is.
This isn't a solo. Unless
of course, it happens to
be one of those
adventures where it is.
| artist rendering, rendition? i don't know. |
But this isn't, even though those do happen sometimes, I've seen it. and by I, I
mean we, which is to say us. And now you know, the rest of the backstory. So onto
the forestory... that sounds about right.
WE TRAVELED THROUGH THE DARKNESS IN, sorry about that, the notundoom
mobile... which is actually vino's new... old... new but old too i guess everyone
else... which is you. not us. Anyway, the tale began in a true moment of
spontaneity, vino approached DocJ and the loyal sidekick of them both who of
course was playing Resident Evil 4, with the controls set to inverted we might add...
which we don't condone so therefore it was wrong, and proposed yae unto them, a
grand and illustrious adventure. a journey to the grand and illustrious statue which
at the time was entitled the Tree of Utah.
They headed off in the direction of 4th South, which was soon thought to be the
wrong way, which of course in itself was wrong. So, they headed off in the direction
which we will call the long way. They eventually found themselves at 21st after they
traversed various backroads and other ways for almost half an hour... then they
remembered that had they taken 4th then it would have brought them to the exact
same place that 21st was going to... they previously had driven the route to the
lake... oh the lake...
do you... remember the lake?
mean we, which is to say us. And now you know, the rest of the backstory. So onto
the forestory... that sounds about right.
WE TRAVELED THROUGH THE DARKNESS IN, sorry about that, the notundoom
mobile... which is actually vino's new... old... new but old too i guess everyone
else... which is you. not us. Anyway, the tale began in a true moment of
spontaneity, vino approached DocJ and the loyal sidekick of them both who of
course was playing Resident Evil 4, with the controls set to inverted we might add...
which we don't condone so therefore it was wrong, and proposed yae unto them, a
grand and illustrious adventure. a journey to the grand and illustrious statue which
at the time was entitled the Tree of Utah.
They headed off in the direction of 4th South, which was soon thought to be the
wrong way, which of course in itself was wrong. So, they headed off in the direction
which we will call the long way. They eventually found themselves at 21st after they
traversed various backroads and other ways for almost half an hour... then they
remembered that had they taken 4th then it would have brought them to the exact
same place that 21st was going to... they previously had driven the route to the
lake... oh the lake...
do you... remember the lake?
| John Carpenter's The Fog... |
| stupid witty, brave policemen |
The pathway, though not long or arduous, was wrought with tiny muddy puddles
of waterish sludge. One of which vino selflessly sacrificed the dryness of his
shoes to alert them to the presence of. They passed several "leaves" that had
been placed "fallen down" around the tree, and as they finally reached the base
they placed the signs proclaiming the page as victor, and new owner of the
newly renamed TREE OF LIFE.
of waterish sludge. One of which vino selflessly sacrificed the dryness of his
shoes to alert them to the presence of. They passed several "leaves" that had
been placed "fallen down" around the tree, and as they finally reached the base
they placed the signs proclaiming the page as victor, and new owner of the
newly renamed TREE OF LIFE.
| a "leaf," ""floating"" in the water |
| the tree extending into the darkness, planning... |
| sweet, sweet youth. |
They then took a picture of themselves to proclaim the glory of the day and to
always remember their youthful faces before the horrible ravages of age took hold
and ravished them beyond recognition in the most horrible of ways, only leaving
them at the time of their deaths, alone in a dark room... alone. They then
proceeded to return to the car before they froze their asses off, in the horrible place
known as the Bonneville Salt Flats. After which the sidekick promptly went to sleep,
and DocJ was allowed to doze. Vino on the other hand was always vigilant in the
fight against crashing and dying.
always remember their youthful faces before the horrible ravages of age took hold
and ravished them beyond recognition in the most horrible of ways, only leaving
them at the time of their deaths, alone in a dark room... alone. They then
proceeded to return to the car before they froze their asses off, in the horrible place
known as the Bonneville Salt Flats. After which the sidekick promptly went to sleep,
and DocJ was allowed to doze. Vino on the other hand was always vigilant in the
fight against crashing and dying.
| awww, look at the sleepy little bunny... ringu in the window! |
| vino's last escape to westminster. |
it you will be killed by me... I'm of course kidding.
Along the way various obstacles, including fog, snow, fog, other cars driving
slowly through said fog and snow, more fog, darkness, accidents, rolled
diesels, la policia who laughed at vino and shouted the phrase "yell at us if
you need help" when his stupid transmission popped out of gear because it
is broken, and of course fog were encountered. plus fog.
After about an hour and a half to two hours, they believed that the tree
either disappeared, was a figment of their imaginations, just plain didn't
exist at all, or was eaten by the fog. But eventually, somewhere between
mile marker 26 and 25, the tree presented itself in all of its curvaceous glory.
The two weary travelers then woke up their sleeping companion... the
sidekick, and they all trudged out into the snow, fog, and the ever
encroaching water that had surrounded the tree except for of course the
foreboding tiny walkway that remained to make it possible to approach said
tree.
slowly through said fog and snow, more fog, darkness, accidents, rolled
diesels, la policia who laughed at vino and shouted the phrase "yell at us if
you need help" when his stupid transmission popped out of gear because it
is broken, and of course fog were encountered. plus fog.
After about an hour and a half to two hours, they believed that the tree
either disappeared, was a figment of their imaginations, just plain didn't
exist at all, or was eaten by the fog. But eventually, somewhere between
mile marker 26 and 25, the tree presented itself in all of its curvaceous glory.
The two weary travelers then woke up their sleeping companion... the
sidekick, and they all trudged out into the snow, fog, and the ever
encroaching water that had surrounded the tree except for of course the
foreboding tiny walkway that remained to make it possible to approach said
tree.
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